I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
