haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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