She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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