Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
