Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
