Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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