For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
