yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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