what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
