Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
