he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
