Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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