Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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