You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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