It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
