I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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