just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
