dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
