just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i believe in u and ur pee
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
