she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
