I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
