Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
