so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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