Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
