I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
