Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
