wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm bleeding and have questions
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
