just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
