This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
