I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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