Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
