the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
