We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
