I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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