Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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