So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
