I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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