Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
vagina is talking i cant
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
