I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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