apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
