dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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