So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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