I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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