Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
