I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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