I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
