Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
