yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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