I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
