just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
