i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
