also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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