hotel room ftw
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I forget how to act sober
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
